Rad! I Went Endo on My Dual Boinger and Got John Boy’ed!

air n. space between both tires and the ground. Said to be “caught” or “gotten.” See sky.

auger v. to involuntarily take samples of the local geology, usually with one’s face, during a crash. Synonyms: face plant, digger, soil sample, spring planting.

banana scraper n. a low-hanging branch, the kind that when you don’t duck low enough smears the banana you put in your backpack.

bring home a Christmas tree v. to ride (or crash) through dense bushes, so leaves and branches are hanging from your bike and helmet.

cranial disharmony n. how one’s head feels after augering. “When my lid nailed that rock, I had cranial disharmony.”

dab v. to put a foot down in order to catch your balance on a difficult section of trail. “I made it without crashing, but I had to dab once.”

dual boinger n. a full-suspension bicycle.

endo n. flying unexpectedly over the handlebars. Short for “end over end.” “I hit that rock and went endo like nobody’s business.”

impedimentia n. all the junk on a bike that impedes performance and looks bad.

John Boy’ed v. when a rider’s face gets covered with spots of mud, making him look like John Boy on The Waltons. “I hit that mudhole and got John Boy’ed big time.”

sky v. to jump extremely high. To get big air.

steed n. your bike, the reason for your existence.

tea party n. when a group of riders stops and chats, and nobody seems to want to ride on.

wild pigs n. poorly adjusted brake pads that squeal in use.

yard sale n. (from skiing) a horrendous crash that leaves all your various “wares” – water bottles, pump, tool bag, etc. – scattered as if on display for sale.