Feature / Winter 2013
Zombies vs. Vampires

What’s scarier, a zombie or vampire apocalypse?



Zombies and vampires are lurking everywhere these days, from the Twilight series of movies to television’s True Blood and The Walking Dead to the book, and forthcoming movie, World War Z. But when push comes to shove, would you rather do battle with a vampire infestation or a zombie outbreak? Can’t decide? Let us help, with a zombie-vampire scorecard…

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Zombies never sleep and are always on the move—shuffling and loping about like a bunch of dishevelled teenagers on school break. Vampires can fly, wear bespoke suits, and are way more cunning. Oh, and, unlike zombies, their brains haven’t been ravaged. They sometimes have superhuman strength, too.
Advantage: Vampires

Vampires hate the sunlight, so don’t come out during the day – which gives you time to hang out with the kids, go shopping, and stock up on garlic. Zombies are slow and stupid, but they’re darn persistent and there’s never a safe time to go to the mall – especially the mall!
Advantage: Zombies

It takes a stake through the heart to kill a vampire, whereas any old shotgun can stop a zombie.
Advantage: Vampires

What’s worse: having a vampire bite your neck and drain your blood, or a zombie chew off your head and eat your brains? We thought so.
Advantage: Zombies

The only way to become a vampire is to either be born as one or find one that’s willing to seduce you. It’s easy to get infected by a zombie: all it takes is a tiny scratch.
Advantage: Zombies

Sure vampires are pale and have fangs, but in a candlelit room they can blend in with humans – as long as they don’t flash a big toothy grin or stand in front of a mirror. You can always tell who’s a zombie – unless you’re at a Nickelback concert.
Advantage: Vampires

Getting bitten by a vampire is the path to immortal life and good looks. Becoming a zombie condemns you to a permanent state of dermatological crisis, brain-breath, patchy hair and moaning stupor.
Advantage: Zombies

Winner: Zombies, 4-3


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